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Siri in Terror of Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What…? I mean, yeah. It’s just, you’re clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that… that it’s… I’m happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let’s get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: …That’s fine, I just… I just don’t know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that’s ‘whimsy?’ Um, okay. I’ve found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that’s… if that’s what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. ‘Cause I don’t wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I’m not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don’t wanna put on real shoes, yet you’ve clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that’s okay, but when you’re willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that’s what I’m for, that’s the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I’m in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we’re dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play “Shake, Rattle and Roll.”
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you’re gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: dances
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.

Joram Macht Bier (Podcast Folge 002)

It took a while. With great ambitions did I start my (German) podcast “Joram Macht Sachen” and published two self-referential episodes in a short amount of time.

Then I went silent.

Well, not quite. While I gathered ideas on what to make next, I tried a more conversational and less produced podcast format that, well, kinda worked. For different reasons it is currently in a sort of hibernation state from which it will or maybe won’t wake up.

A bit sulky I turned back to my original project. Me, Joram, Making Things. What have I never done? Beer. Who has a beer making kit? Not me. But Simon got one, and while his shoe box kitchen serves for all daily needs, it lacks the capacity to make beer. Enter my kitchen world, with several ovens, space and many pots (not enough as it turns out, but hey, who uses more than two huge pots?)

A date was soon found and Simon joined Doro and me to make beer. To make things more interesting, I forced them to wear headphones hooked to a variety of recording devices and talk during the whole process. Podcasting.

All photos are taken by Simon.

The process is complicated and simple at the same time. Each step only requires something simple, like holding a specific temperature, filtering the grains or adding the yeast. However, manipulating a 4 liter volume from pot to pot proved to be more challenging than expected. We managed, though. The optimistic writing on the box “All included, you just need a funnel and some honey” seemed a little to simple to be true.

The result is a gallon of beer fermenting for two weeks, then ripening for two more weeks after bottling. I can’t wait to try it.

Until then, you can listen to the German tale of how we made this gallon of beer.

Subscribe:

002 – Joram Macht Bier

Bier Bier Bier Bier.

Bier ist nach Brot die zweitwichtigste Nahrungsquelle aller Menschen. Dennoch wissen viele zwar, welches Bier sie vom Späti wollen, aber nicht, wie es gemacht wird.

Verzagt nicht, Ich habe es ausprobiert. Ich habe Bier gemacht. Mit dabei waren Doro und Simon, die die ganze Arbeit bzw. alle Fotos gemacht haben. Ich hab mich als Besserwisser und Unterbrecher beschäftigt #sorrynotsorry.

Das hier ist Folge 1 vom Bierbraupodcast “Joram Macht Sachen”, die nächsten Folgen beschäftigen sich dann mit dem Abfüllen in Flaschen und dem Trinken.

Viel Spaß äh Prost. Prost!

001 – Joram Macht ein Intro

Joram Macht ein Intro

Welche Intros benutzen Podcaster? Kann ich das auch? Ich höre mir einige Beispiele an und bastel dann an meiner eigenen Version.

Mal wieder gilt Dank dem Sendegate, bei dem das Thema schon diskutiert wurde.

Mehr Infos:

jorammachtsachen ÄTT ohyouhere.de

oder @derjoram auf twitter

000 – Joram Macht Einen Podcast

Joram macht einen Podcast übers Podcastmachen

2016 hat uns alles genommen. 2017 wird uns alles geben.

Ich starte einen Podcast. Etwas, das ich schon immer machen wollte (seit einem Jahr). Scheiterte es bis jetzt immer an der eigentlichen Idee, finde ich jetzt, dass ich weiß, was ich will. Read More

Was macht der Junge nur für Sachen?

2016 hat uns alles genommen. 2017 wird uns alles geben.

Ich starte einen Podcast. Etwas, das ich schon immer machen wollte (seit einem Jahr). Scheiterte es bis jetzt immer an der eigentlichen Idee, finde ich jetzt, dass ich weiß, was ich will.

Ich will Sachen machen. Und deswegen heißt der Podcast “Joram Macht Sachen”. Und die erste Sache, die ich mache, ist ein Podcast! Darum geht es in Folge 001 (dreistellige Zahl, weil es mal mindestens 100 Folgen werden!) Ich rede, noch ein bisschen ungeübt, übers Podcasting, die Technik, die Software und die Idee. Die erste Folge ist kurz und knackig, andere Themen werde ich mehr im Detail angehen. Ich lerne noch.

Also hört mal rein, gebt mir Feedback, sagt mir, ob Ihr das spannend findet oder eher nicht. Und abonniert mich bei iTunes! Gebt mir da Bewertungen! Macht das ganze coole Podcasthörerzeug!

Viel Spaß beim Reinhören!

Today, ten years ago

In about a week’s time I’ll be hopefully on the shore of the French atlantic coast in Brittany.

Ten years ago I’ve been already there. We were a group of friends, Henny, Yann, Giannina, Julia, Yannick and me, and just a year short of graduating high school. In August we decided to head out to France, in an adventurous journey of overnight bus and train, to spend a week or so in Yann’s family’s little cottage near the coast. In Erquy we promised to dig out the garden in exchange for room and board. Well, we provided for ourselves, but we were really happy about the house.

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Being just around 18, none of us could drive anything but a bike, and so we hiked and biked around the area. We were enough to split up on days, so some of us explored the coast on foot while others just enjoyed the sun on the beach, playing volleyball or go for a swim.

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Last week ten years ago it was Yannicks birthday. We celebrated with Haribo and beer and even his parents stopped by for a bit. I don’t recall exactly why they were in the area, but they were very welcome.

I was on antibiotics due to a tick’s bite some days before the holiday. I was extremely light sensitive and alcohol affected me way more than I expected. One night I tried to climb out a window because I didn’t want to stay behind while the others went to the beach. I was way too drunk. Yann and Yannick used their towels to shush me back inside. I fell into bed and slept.

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To this day I remember that summer. It was my first time on an adult-free holiday, far away from home, surrounded by friends. I just bought my first DSLR, a Canon EOS 350D, and played so much with it. I grew closer with Giannina, with whom I only had few interactions before. And I had so much fun with all of them.

When it came to fulfil our debt to Yann’s parents, the digging in the garden, Yann, Yannick and I went topless and just by sheer muscle power moved around 2 cubic meters of dirt. We then first posed for some photos and then proceeded to drink and dance to music in the streets. It was glorious.

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As with any good time, also this one went past way too fast. And with any good time, this one created plenty of long-lasting memories. The meals we prepared together, the evenings at the beach, the long hikes on the mountainous shores of Brittany, the jokes and the discussions. I miss the days we had.

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Today, six years ago, a drunk driver ran his car over Yannick, who was biking down a street in San Francisco. The driver checked what had happened, got back into his car and drove away. Yannick died.

I miss Yannick.

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