written.

The bible is so much fun. not.

Just read the chapter in THE HOLY BIBLE about King Joram of Israel and his fight against king Moab of somewhere else. Joram is forcing Moab to give him thousands of sheep and wool every year. For not breaking their faces. At one point, Moab says “Screw Joram, I’ll keep my sheep!” and Joram says “Screw Moab, I will break his face and everyone else’s face!” He gathers the other Kings (how many were there?) and heads towards the lands of Moab. They run out of water, because they didn’t bring any. So Joram speaks to God, and God answers: “I give you lots of water, but only if you kill everyone on Moab’s side, burn their house, cover their lands in rocks and just generally be a dick towards them.” Joram nods and says “Ok.” He then heads away and kills and murders and rapes and destroys the land. When they approach Moab, he desperately sacrifices his son for protection. Joram is disgusted by the sight and everybody goes home. Leaving a trail of blood and death. In the name of THE LORD.

Great story.