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Siri in Terror of Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What…? I mean, yeah. It’s just, you’re clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that… that it’s… I’m happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let’s get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: …That’s fine, I just… I just don’t know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that’s ‚whimsy?‘ Um, okay. I’ve found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that’s… if that’s what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. ‚Cause I don’t wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I’m not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don’t wanna put on real shoes, yet you’ve clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that’s okay, but when you’re willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that’s what I’m for, that’s the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I’m in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we’re dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play „Shake, Rattle and Roll.“
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you’re gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: dances
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.