written.

Why I don’t use SEO. And never will.

such good seo

Today my comments spam filter showed me this comment:

Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. (link removed for spammy shittiness)

Yadda yadda.

such good seo

SEO SEO SEO such good

So my site apparently is not focused on being highly ranked on the almighty google search, because I don’t spam keywords in my posts to be more relevant. Don’t you say.

I came across SEO occasionally and I could never ever follow the logic behind it. Google tries hard to rank pages based on how relevant they are (and a little bit on how much they pay to the google) and I appreciate this. When I look for tazmanian shoe construction guides I am quite happy that those superb little blogs show up, that target me as an audience. And I am also happy, that I don’t find too many tazmanian shoe shops that want to sell me the shoes that I want to construct myself.

At this point, SEO comes in. A tazmanian shoe selling person will say at one point: „Hey, we are not ranked high enough on the google, we need to optimize that.“ An employee of this person might say then: „How about we try to get better and more relevant content, so our page ranks go up because we just are the best hit?“ „Bollocks, I met this cool dude in a coffee shop and he told me about SEO. We need to put keywords in URLs and in h1 to 3 tags, we absolutely have to increase keyword density!“

So they pay lots of money to this coffee shop dude, who cancelled his studies in web economy and is now scamming people. Or working in SEO, same thing.

Now I come in, I look for something related to said tazmanian shoes, but I don’t want to buy them. Not everyone on the internet always wants to buy something. So I search on the google, and because of some dark magic the selling person’s site is on the first page of results. And because of the high density of my search terms I click on their link. I see that it is another fucking shop, I close the tab, and if I am not too lazy, I use one the many blocking plugins to remove this site from my google search results forever. Just for being an irrelevant dick in my search.

The problem with SEO is, apart from the buzzword overkill those people tend to use, that SEO mimics relevance while not being relevant. If it was relevant it would show up on their own when searched for. And google knows that. They try hard to mutate their algorithms just a bit faster than those of the SEO guys trying to exploit them. If at one point only those with the best rank manipulation strategy show up in google, I will stop using google. Because it can’t do its job any more, that is to show me the relevant result to terms I searched for. I will then look for another search engine, and there will be one, because I am not the only person who uses google actually to find relevant information.

And because everybody is desperate to get SEO and this post is full of the acronym SEO (stands by the way for Shitty Exploit of Oblivious people) I hope that I break the algorithms and be first on google when searching for SEO. SEO SEO SEO. The keyword density just went through the roof. See how helpful this is now? Thank you, SEO!

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Hi. I live in Berlin, I write about food and photography and everything else. I am a plant scientist and I studied biotechnology in Berlin. I am younger than some but older than others.